凝固的回忆

Saturday, June 30, 2007

无奈者 posted at 11:30 AM | 0 Noticed Me

I realised.. I have become more 钻牛角尖 recently.. dunno y.. and it vexes me more and more. most probably it is abt work.. I know I shld be giving ppl the benefit of the doubt.. but sometimes, it is just hard. lol. but nvm, I shall console myself. it is only 2 more weeks.. and I will regain my freedom. haha. and I made a promise to myself: never take any more leave for the 2 the coming 2 weeks. I shall be good. haha.

will be getting my running shoes later.. (most prob adidas) meeting jes and aileen at queenstown later.. so excited.. I guess I will put the shoes to gd use.. (I hope..) cos orientation coming.. I will need it for then and also for other sports activities in my coming 2 wks beak.. lol.

and will be going to my chem teacher's hse to do some translation work for her.. heh. that is one day down. tml will be gg to the library and most prob amk hub? lol.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

无奈者 posted at 8:25 PM | 0 Noticed Me

I really feel guilty that I am taking half day off and another full day off tomorrow.. but.. another part of me is telling me " Since u have done it, dun regret.. make full use of what u have.." and I decided it is true.. lol.

I went to my grandmother's house tdy.. the neighbourhood that I have spent my baby + teen growing up years. And I went down for a walk around the neighbouring HDB flats, the marketplace and the shophouses.. simply walking down memory lane.. Interestingly, memories of primary school times flooded back more than the lower secondary memories.. haha..

took a walk down the route that I took after school everyday in Red Swastika.. thought of my friend, Li Wern.. and nothing much was changed.. just that I changed more than the sights.. after 7 to 8 yrs.. haha.. was wondering, I was 11/12 when I was first using the route, now 19 when I walked it again and most probably at 26 or older when I walked on it again.. yeah.. we had aged, I realised and time passes too fast for me to react. What I am clear of is that walking down the path again, I am looking at different things with different mentality.. in the past, I would look forward to gg home, ignoring every tree, infrastructure that I passed by. Now, I take time reminiscing the past, spending time noticing the greenery beside the paths and the buildings along it, all these because we will be moving out of the neighbourhood soon.. soon, I may not even get the chance to rekindle all these sweet decade old memories once we moved.. I am just frantically grabbing every bit of memories that I can keep because I am so afraid that I will be left with none in time to come.. I am afraid I can't even remember the familiar sights, the familiar emotions if I dun catch a few more glimpses of it a few years down the road. well, I am desperate, in this sense, haha.

and it feels good to noe nothing much changed. I feel so comfortable with every sight that I take in. But instead, this will reflect the significant change that I feel in me. This shows I have grown up, which is normal. I am no longer the little girl who thinks the world of Sailormoon or Huanzhu Ge Ge..haha.

the next time I go down it again, when will it be.. lol. and what will I feel this time..

Sunday, June 24, 2007

无奈者 posted at 2:39 PM | 0 Noticed Me

cooped up at home on a sunday afternoon.. haaz.. u will be partially rite to say I dun have any dates for tdy.. but tat doesn't mean I dun have things to do.. but I am pushing it all to after Thurs to complete it so tat I can fully enjoy the days of being a free person.. heh. I rmb the last time I left singtel, I came up with a list of to-do(s).. woohoo.. this time I am gg to do the same.. lol. and I am in high spirits now..

After leaving Avivia, I think I will..

1) eat, slp slack.. muahahahaha.. nbr 1 priority
2) explore kent ridge park or any other scenic parks
3) catch Nancy Drew alone
4) shopping at suntec, bishan J8 and square 2!!! New shopping mall at Novena and I am interested to explore wat they have there..
5) enjoying afternoons off in libraries, esp Esplanade
6) gym sessions (well, I am still considering..lol.)
7) take up Hatha yoga (but timings dun seem to fit leh)
8) visit ACM
9) bake scones, cheesecakes, cookies and brownies!!
10) play badminton

and I finally got my tote bag after looking for so long, looking at the bags available in the market.. it s a white and simple one.. but one which I love for its simpleness.. : )

Saturday, June 23, 2007

无奈者 posted at 10:44 PM | 0 Noticed Me

recently felt tat I am in more control of my life.. perhaps the self help bks helps.. lol. Never take happiness for granted.. tat could be my quote of life recently.. lol. Realised a lot of things recently.. did some thinking.. and felt I have become emotionally stronger and becoming aware of the choices I can make for my life, I feel better in control of me, myself and my future..

everyone has their own share of fears at any point of time.. fear of the uncertainity, fear of the future, fear of all sorts.. me too.. I had my fears.. I will not list it out here.. but I really hope I can be someone who can face up to them bravely.. I wanna be someone I can be proud of myself..

the paragraphs below are some words dedicated to my family.. They have added more meaning of the word 'family' in my dictionary.. the understanding u have shown in the spate of events that happen recently had touched me greatly.. Family used to be defined as ppl closest to me.. but recently the tolerance and understanding u all have shown to a daughter, a sister made me feel like family can be be more than that.. they can be ur friends, there can be no generation gaps, no taboo issues between us.. we can voice everything out without the dear of offending who.. becos we all noe it is for the gd of him/her.. As a body comprising of 4 members, I guess the respect, freedom and concern we have shown for each other is most probably the factors that bridge our gaps together..

Mummy, I grumbled abt working life to u everyday.. and I know you took me seriously.. as always.. I know my words must be weighing on ur mind.. I can see tat u r trying very hard to console me tat my contract is ending and tat I will not be working soon.. I love the way u respect and not interfere in my decision not to extend my contract and the way u tell me not to be in despair as work will end soon.. u can't imagine how touched I felt then.. I know u are not having an easy time working too.. and I am really sorry I poured my woes to u.. unlike me, u can't quit just becos u feel like it.. and I tink I have influenced my negative thinking on u.. but I will try my hardest to be ur good gal frm now on.. thanks Mummy.. u felt like a friend to me more than a mother.. and it makes me proud to have u as my mummy.. I am telling myself I wanna be a mother like u when I become one in future..

Daddy, although I have been very bad tempered recently.. (maybe I have always been so..) but I know how much u loved me.. and thanks for fetching me after work be it on OT days or normal working days.. I am sorry each time u have to wait for 1 hour plus just to fetch me.. u could simply use the time to go home and get some rest.. maybe we both dunno how to express our love for one another but ur actions as a doting father are really more than sufficient.. I can feel strongly for every bit of it.. also, u may be unaware but I love asking u qns abt life and reality.. because I never fail to find surprises in ur answers.. I can't say how much I love u but I know u guys are ppl I would rather sacrifice myself than let u guys come to harm..

Bro, noe u r pretty stressed out recently with the long working hours.. saw ur msn nick too, I understand ur tiredness.. but dun worry, it will end soon.. we are having some conflicts before tat.. pretty serious I would say but I am glad things turn out good after tat.. maybe till now u dun understand my outburst but thanks for ur forgiveness.. sometimes I just wonder, an unreasonable sis like me, if I dun have a bro like u, how terrible will life be.. so thanks for everything u have done frm young, all the way frm the material things u have given up just to pacify me to the big heartedness u have shown in tolerating my absurd behaviour..

Thursday, June 07, 2007

无奈者 posted at 10:38 PM | 0 Noticed Me

I just realised how stubborn I am.. there are some things I have known all along, but I just refuses to admit it.. refuses to admit that I have done wrong, refuses to believe that I have actually took a step backward to forgive that person, refuses to believe that I have actually seen the gd points abt that matter/person.. and in front of everybody, I had successfully lied that I am not wavering in my stand and that my opinion remains unchanged.. it just take that long for me to come to the light.. to accept the truth and find that it is simply meaningless for me to retain my stubbornness. It is time for me to concede defeat and stop my childlishess. lol. And it takes just a laugh to let things return to normal.. and continue with life. : )

Monday, June 04, 2007

无奈者 posted at 10:26 PM | 0 Noticed Me

when life is good to us, we see the value of life. When we feel that life had mistreated us in a way or another, instead of seeing the value of the lessons learnt, we saw the biasness and unfairness we hoped to see.. in a way, we r blinded by our prejudices and things just turn completely opposite.

I suppose one of the most impt thing we must learn throughout our years of existence on planet Earth is we must try learn to see things with a clear state of mind and never jump to conclusions haphazardly. This could be one of the most difficult lessons that we must learn.. and even till the end of life, we may not be able to realise this..

Friday, June 01, 2007

无奈者 posted at 10:25 PM | 0 Noticed Me

I got mixed emotions flowing through me, just like I have thousand of things on my mind now. argh.

feeling frustrated, irritated, grateful, lucky, sorry, confused, in a dilemma.. wow. wat a interesting hybrid of feelings.

and if u believe, I am currently reading "Veronika decides to die". I dun understand 60% of wat I am reading so far but I know it is a book on madness. and I seriously tink I am mad. I am not joking, but I seem to agree with wat the 'mad' are thinking inside the book.. so it is like.. hmm.. where does that place me? In a asylum too?

and do u know the mad are actually normal ppl while the so classified 'normal' ppl are actually the mad ppl.. just that they take the same stand for most things, they are considered normal as they form the majority. I found this true. and I like this theory. Goodness.

Pardon me if I am not speaking sense or if u can't catch up.. I feel the need to pry into my innermost self and do some soul searching. Maybe I can uncover some of my hidden soul strength which I myself am unaware of. wow.